“The Bear” and my favorite two-word phrase
Courtesy of FX
Like so many others, I spent the good majority of last weekend streaming Season 2 of FX’s “The Bear.” I’ve actually watched it through multiple times, which is absolutely no surprise to those who know I work from home and have a serious TV binge watching addiction.
It’s been on my mind not because of the compelling story line, the great acting or the absolutely stellar musical selections. Nope. It’s because my favorite two-word phrase has now made an appearance in both Season 1 and Season 2 of “The Bear.” And I don’t think it’s an accident.
OK, full disclosure. My actual favorite two-word phrase most definitely begins with an F. And I could definitely write a whole blog post about it. But if we limit the list to items that are not profane and are workplace appropriate, that leaves my top two-word phrase being…. Wait for it!
“Say more.”
A bit anticlimactic, I know. But bear with me (hahahahaha).
This is my favorite phrase because I find it to be the most useful phrase in both workplace conversations and personal ones. It’s a two-word phrase that seems understated but can be one of the most powerful things you can say in a conversation – especially a hard one.
*** obligatory spoiler alert warning***
So first, the deets for my fellow “The Bear” nerds:
In Season 1, “say more” is used in the episode where Carmy proposes the restaurant use a French brigade system. After that idea proves a failure, he and Syd meet up in the back alley behind the restaurant for a heart to heart. He can tell something is wrong so he tries to get her to talk. She dips a toe into the conversation by saying, “Today was really bad for me, chef.” His response is perfect: “OK. Say more?”
In Season 2, the setup is remarkably similar. Carmy and Syd are sharing a quiet moment fixing a table prior to the opening of the new restaurant. They have another heart to heart, during which Carmy says, “Say more, please.”
Photo credit: FX
I noticed the use of my favorite phrase in Season 1 as soon as I heard it. And again in Season 2. It brought back warm memories of a lot of conversations – many of them difficult. I used this phrase all the time when I managed a global team. No matter where the other person was sitting – in the same room or on another continent – this one simple phrase always served as a perfect entrance into a conversation. It served as the perfect response when one of my team members would come to me with a problem. And it helped me in business conversations where I needed more details or (honestly) just needed some time to think of my next brilliant idea.
“Say more” is such an effective conversation tool because it does a number of things all at once in two small words:
It signals to the other person that you heard them or have noticed they are struggling.
It tells them you care.
It tells the other person you are interested in hearing what’s on their mind.
It tells them you are making time for them.
It tells them they have your entire focus right now (put your phone down).
It does NOT imply judgement.
It does NOT imply any sort of biased or pre-formed conclusion.
It diffuses the heat in a hard conversation before it starts.
It leaves the field wide open for them to take the conversation wherever they wish.
It opens the door and invites the person to step through – and they almost always do.
And it gives the other person the space and the permission to put into words what’s bothering them. And that is super valuable.
As those of you who have watched “The Bear” know, kitchens work best when there is excellent and clear communication. They also work best when everyone listens to everyone else carefully and with focus. Real life could really freaking stand to benefit from the French brigade system, couldn’t it? We’re all guilty of doomscrolling instead of paying attention to the person right in front of us.
This all relates to social media and work because it is a crucial reminder. Social (and corporate comms in general) is a huge jet engine fueled by the crisis du jour and the all-important “messaging.” There is always a push to “say something on social NOW.” There’s always an immediate knee-jerk reaction to ask “what are we putting on social?” But listening first will help you avoid a misstep. It will help you make a better and more-informed decision. And it will help you have the right conversation in times of crisis. It will also help you be a better manager, coworker and friend in your everyday interactions both at work and outside of it.
So. A free suggestion: Take “say more” and trot it out during a conversation in the next few days. Tell me if it doesn’t have the same impact on your conversations that it did on mine.
And watch “The Bear.” I cannot wait for Season 3.